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About ten years ago I made a pet loss movie and put it on the web, and to this day I still get emails about it. I’ve written a lot of consoling replies to people who are experiencing one of the most painful things a person has to endure. Usually it is a dog or cat but sometimes bunnies, horses, or ferrets. It doesn’t matter what kind of animal it was, they have suffered a genuine loss of a companion.
After all, those wonderful creatures shared a life with them. They took part in their daily routines, recreation, work, meals, holidays, crises, celebrations, and family traditions. They had nicknames, habits, traits, likes, and dislikes. They had individuality all their own and when they are gone it is devastating.
Our critters are taken from us so unfairly quickly on this Earth. Why is their life span so much shorter than ours? Why do we receive them into our lives knowing that it will end in heartbreak a few years later?
We all know the cliché answers like “Life’s not fair” or “It all happens for a reason,” but trite statements like these are hardly consoling. I don’t have the magic answers to those questions, but there is something you can do to deal with some of your grief.
Create a project to memorialize your pet.
The act of making something to remember them by will aide in your grieving process. A lasting memorial that will illustrate how much they meant, and that they were important. Something that says, “You will be missed.”
When my German Shepherd Baloo died, I went through my pictures of her and got copies made of a really gorgeous shot of her in our back yard. I mounted them on the front of blank greeting cards and included a printout I wrote up. Writing about Baloo was difficult but I wanted to let the world see her though my eyes. To give them an idea of what kind of dog she was when she was relaxed with the family. When I mailed them out, to all our friends and family, I felt I had done something constructive.
Mind you, it did very little to ease my pain at that time, but looking back it was therapeutic having a dedicated project that was all for her. The time and effort it took to make them all was my labor of love. It hurt, and it was not easy, but I did it for her. I did it to show that she mattered. To show that she was important to me, and that she would be loved and remembered forever.
The important lesson is that doing something proactive was a good thing. It works out some of your feelings and puts them into a creative endeavor.
Utilize your artistic ability to make a commemorative project about your lost pet. It should be a significant effort. Don’t just put a picture in a frame, do something that took some time and thought.
Feel free to use my idea of sending out cards to friends and family with their picture and your words of tribute.
Here are some other suggestions:
Gather a collection for a shadowbox frame and include toys, collar, bowl, a poem, and other mementos. Line the back wall with a collage of pictures of them.
Make something handmade to contain their ashes. There’s no rule saying it has to be in a ceramic urn. Get a metal or wooden box “blank” and decorate it with a mosaic of their name, or decoupage with pictures and words.
Make a slideshow with music and photos. Use PowerPoint for PCs and Keynote for Macs.
Make a charm bracelet with mini photos of them and themed charms.
A hand drawn or painted portrait of them.
Write a story about them.
Take whatever talents you have and create something tangible.
Other gestures, of course, are fine... planting a tree, donating to an animal cause in their name, but is it really coming from someplace inside you?
Make something from your heart.
It’s not about “closure” either because it is far from being closed, but it is cathartic. It starts the healing process that is long and difficult.
The pain and sadness never go away entirely but over time it does ease.
Remember what’s important -- that you gave an animal a lifetime of love and protection.
Remind yourself that they had a good and happy existence, and that was no small thing. In fact, it was everything.
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Terri Pike is BlindSquirrel on Etsy, and EFA member and webmaster since 2009. The Rainbow Bridge movie can be found at www.indigo.org/rainbow
Very insightful article about grief and therapy!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for writing it!
A very touching article Terri. Thank you for sharing & for including my photo card. That video you made brings a tear to my eye, & I amn't even grieving for any pets at the moment =(
ReplyDeleteVery touching. So many great ideas, too. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteCarol from QueenBe wanted to share this:
ReplyDelete"Very well written story... so many good points made. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things an animal lover has to endure, and not always accepted by people who do not understand our love and grief. Thank you for including my "Friend" shadowbox in this story."
Such an excellent article !
ReplyDeleteI find it absolutely essential to use my creative juices to process through grief. For me, to create... give birth after death... is part of my survival cycle. To immortalize is to celebrate that which means so much to me.
About a month after Nimue died- i invited my girlfriends to a memorial ceremony. I had created a lovely altar with photographs... it had a scrapbook with photos spanning her life; plants for her grave; flowers; a silk tapestry box with her fur in it; a silk tapestry heart with her photo on it; a white chocolate dog; a cake & dog treats; a tile with a dog portrait on it... etc.
The ceremony was beautiful... a procession to her grave which has a canine statue in a rock alcove... we planted the butterfly bushes... read a poem i wrote about her... & oh my gosh we also tied 70 yellow ribbons on the fruit trees. For her one year death anniversary this year- i took all those ribbons and tied them on a hoop.
As you can tell- i had to keep real busy. She was the daughter i never had and I still miss her a lot... but i've learned to live with it.
THANKS so much Terri !
xo
PS: Terri reminded me that I also made a Nimue inspired Treasury on Etsy a few months later when i found something that reminded me of her.
ReplyDeleteAlso noteworthy, our potluck food on the memorial day had lots of white & yellow. Breakfast that morning, for example, i had made dog shaped french toast with bananas, yoghurt & maple syrup. Nimue was a very vivacious fun dog & i wanted to honor that.
Feel free to share what kinds of things you've done to commemorate...
thanks for the great article!! just lost my beloved cat - and i started a blog in his memory - it helps to share with others - i've also made collages with him and i - like one where we're both sitting on a cloud and i'm holding his catnip!!! it does make me smile despite my heavy heart
ReplyDeletePet Collage, I'm sorry for your recent loss!
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful article! I'm going to share it on Facebook for my friends and family. I think they will appreciate it.
When my dog, Micki, died (she actually ended up being my mom's dog--longs story,) my boyfriend took pictures he'd taken of her and put them in a multi-picture frame and we gave that to my mom for Christmas that year. It made her cry, but it's a gift she has cherished for years.
You're right--being creative can really help to get you through the grief. After my (best dog ever) Charlie died, I wrote about her a lot.